#my subconscious just looks really hard for connections. patterns. parallels...

[msue0027]

it might be unusual but "dot and bubble" gave off a bit of "the long game"/"the bad wolf" kind of vibe, but a lot more tragic

[the-healing-mindset]

This is one that I have been wanting to tackle directly for quite some time. I have done so in roundabout ways so far, but I think this sums it up perfectly.

Know Your Worth

   “You must find the courage to leave the table if respect is no longer being served.” - Tene Edwards

I have been seeing that quote a lot lately. And from a personal standpoint, it is relatable. Reflecting on my life and doing the deep inner work that I have been doing since 2019, I have realized that the major source of trauma and grief that I experienced during childhood and still feel effects of to this day came from my family. This is difficult to talk about, considering I still live in very close proximity to them, but by doing so, I hope that I may help others to put into perspective any potential familial psychological/mental abuse, and to finally heal from the effects of that.

Having had a relatively difficult experience in University, I always wanted someone to talk to about the issues I was experiencing. Of course, I thought I could turn to my family, immediate and/or extended, to get some support or to vent as I didn’t really have that support from friend groups or other resources at school. That was not the case however. I found that not only would I not receive any comfort or advice, I would also be ridiculed and told that none of my efforts to get myself through my chosen program of study were worthwhile and that I should just give up.

On numerous occasions have I discovered that extended family members went behind my back communicating with my mentors and other colleagues sharing the struggles that I had not shared with anyone else. Not that these struggles were anything major, but at the very least, they were things that I wanted to clear out of my mind but not necessarily have shared with anyone else. But that is how my conversations with my family members are handled. Nothing can ever stay between me and the person I share things with. Not even my within my immediate family.

Already operating on this eroded trust with my family, I began to draw direct connections between the way things are now and my childhood. And that was the light bulb moment. Often as a child, my family would call me “sensitive” and would continuously punish/demean me for expressing my emotions. But no matter how hard I tried, there was always something new that I was doing wrong. The rules were always changing. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t do that. Yet looking around me, everyone else did exactly those things and they were fine.

The resentment I have toward my family began way back in childhood. Ever since I was old enough to begin forming memories and making connections, I knew something was wrong. I dreaded family gatherings, but at the same time, I was always excited at the possibility at finally being able to be happy for once from their presence. I wanted to fit in. I remained optimistic, only to have that optimism crushed while at the event(s). Yet another thing that I had done “wrong.”

“You trust people too easily.” Yes. I sure do. Because I saw from an early age that there was absolutely no way that I could trust you. And I see now that I still can’t. Even after all these years.

Looking back through the years, it is easy to draw the parallels. They have the same exact behavioral patterns. They use the same tricks. While others have changed, they continue to be the same. And of course, they see nothing wrong.

It has taken me years to realize that I built up walls. Walls that to this day still stand. I know they exist. Hiding behind them hurts. And learning the intricacies of why they exist in the first place is even more painful at times. Having grown up with these people, the pain of being around them is familiar. I suppose that there is a part of most of us that wants to hang on to this pain because it is familiar. Because we have hope that our families will just allow us to be without continuing to put us down.

Letting go of it means that we have to start over. Starting over can be intimidating as we have already invested so much time and effort into certain modes of operation. It may seem as if it will be too demanding to start over with learning a new way of life, which often prevents us from starting in the first place. Don’t look at it this way though. What you have been through has given you experience that will assist you on the next phase of your journey. There is no need to worry. This experience will assist you in being much more efficient in completing the task of learning and growing as a person.

Ultimately what is needed is great distance from the individuals that cause us so much pain. In the beginning, it can seem next to impossible to get away. “How will I survive?” “What will life be like?” These questions arise because our confidence has been taken away by our abusive family members. Subconsciously, we believe that we can do nothing outside of their presence. At the same time, our sense of self-responsibility/care may be reduced. A negative self-image is present.

As difficult as it is, we must first and foremost trust ourselves. Once we leave, we must never go back. In the beginning, our minds may tell us that choosing to be out there on our own was a bad choice. That we should have stayed where we were because it was simple. Everything was predictable, even if it was bad. But we must never return. In the case of some of our families, that would only “prove” them right, making their inflated ego even bigger. 

In the end, you must choose you. You are more important than they are. Yes, there is care and love but in these cases, no matter how much you give to them, you will never get it back. You can do it. You are capable. You are worthy. You are deserving. Get out there and take it one day at a time. Don’t rush. This will only overwhelm you. Fall back on your routines. Show back up to what you know. Show back up to you.

[sxpiosexualx]

why do you ship jonsa? my best friend is a hard core jonerys shipper but lately ive been really critical of daenerys, so i cant really hop on that train. i dont really have a preference for jon either way so i wanted to know why you ship them

Oh hello! What a lovely question to ask, though I must warn you this could most likely get draggy and long because I’m so passionate about these two and this ship, they’re my OTP. Actually I only started reading the books last year, before then I was a casual watcher until up to Feb 2016 before season 7 aired. Jon and Sansa had just reunited on the show and I came across this Jonsa instagram on my explore page and I thought, what the fuck is this? It was such an absurd ship to consider - and this is coming from someone who was crack shipping Tommen and Sansa! But I kept scrolling through, the captions in the post came from posts on Tumblr(with credit) explaining the parallels and the ways in which Jonsa could go down and it was sort of like… this strange theory that I subscribed to and was soon convinced of. I tried bringing it up to my friend but she was a casual watcher and didn’t really pay much attention to it so I was craved of my need to discuss this. So come season 7, I rejoined Tumblr and the Jonsa tag was SO rich in content and meta, detailing all the parallels, how it could happen, why it makes sense and how it would wrap up up the narrative in the most satisfying manner. I’ve never shipped something so hard and wanted it to be canon more than with Jonsa(though canon or not I’m not fussy lol).

I’m gonna outline to you some of the main reasons why I think Jonsa has a strong chance of happening in canon, because they’re really why I ship them so hard, they complement each other perfectly though it’s very easy to miss this. I’m keeping this under a ‘Keep Reading’ tab because I know this will get lengthy. Also, any of my followers/people seeing this, do add on in the comments why you ship jonsa or perhaps leave some links to some of your fav meta’s in the comments for OP to screen through if they feel like it!

This will be lengthy but remember I am trying my best to be brief, hopefully the other Jonsa’s will link some metas/parallel series to give you a better idea - I’m only outlining the backbone of the ship!

The Ashford Tourney Pattern

So it actually began when I came across this theory: The Tourney at Ashford was held in-universe, and I wont go much into detail except to mention that all of the 5 champions in that tourney coincide with the houses of the men Sansa is betrothed/married to (i.e. Sansa’s suitors). It goes

Lyonel Baratheon

Leo Tyrell

Tybolt Lannister

Humfrey Hardyng, and,

Valarr Targaryen.

Now, granted the show’s made some changes but ultimately they’re coming to the same conclusion, and as for book!Sansa(i.e. canon) she’s first betrothed to Joffrey Baratheon, then is promised to Willas Tyrell(changed to Loras on the show), marries Tyrion Lannister, is currently in the works of being betrothed to Harry Hardyng(in the Vale - the Ramsay plot is not hers), and so the logical conclusion would be to complete the pattern by marrying her final suitor, the endgame - a Targaryen. That makes Jon the only candidate viable to her, and yes that sounds ‘out there’ but if you take a look at the narrative, it could make complete sense, so let’s go into how this could logically happen.

Logic

Given the story began with the Starks being the heart of the series, you can only anticipate that the final installation, initially named A Time For Wolves would promise a continuation of the Stark line, and that could come about through Jon and Sansa. They are the only Starks left who’s storyline touches on ideas of fatherhood and motherhood - the only Starks left to ever consider having future children(and weirdly enough where Sansa wants to name her children Bran and Rickon and thinks of a girl who looks like Arya in her dreams of children, Jon wants to name his son Robb - even their dreams complement each other, they’d be rebuilding the Stark family with themselves), the only Starks left to think of restoring Winterfell(and they already go on to do this on the show) etc. When you think of Sansa and how she’s had to fight hard to retain her Stark identity and reclaim it, I cannot imagine GRRM marrying her off to some random lord at the end of the series, when she’s just made it back home. For Jon too, he’s wanted Winterfell, and dreamed of that domestic life as Lord of Winterfell, as a Stark, and Sansa, the Key to the North, could give him that - the same way her marrying Jon who’s actually a prince would be fulfilling her childhood dream as well. They both get what they want in the way they least expect it, something very GRRM-esque. There’s the narrative convenience of R+L=J that would allow for some catharsis once Jon realises he’s not her half-brother, and the convenience of them being the only Starks to not have an established relationship beforehand. But despite that, whenever they do think of the other in the books, it’s never with any resentment, contrary to popular belief, they don’t hate each other(they think of each other fondly, even). It’s something that could work politically in show!verse just as well, say word gets out that Jon’s a Targaryen, the Northern lords would never accept him unless Sansa brokers a political marriage to tame them.

History would also be repeating itself in a poetic way, but done right this time. Jon and Sansa marrying would parallel Ned x Cat, they each parallel them so much and S7 has hammered those visual parallels more than ever. A Stark would be wedding a Tully. And if you embraced Jon as a Targaryen, then they would parallel Rhaegar and Lyanna in a sense too by having a Targaryen prince wed a Stark lady. It also nicely twists what happened to Cersei, where she was supposed to marry a Targaryen prince(Rhaegar) but ends up marrying a Baratheon(Robert) - Sansa was betrothed to Joffrey Baratheon, but would be marrying a Targaryen prince in Jon, which only adds another layer to her being the YMBQ from Cersei’s prophecy if you subscribe to that!

Complementary Storylines

If you take a closer look at Jon and Sansa’s arcs, they tend to echo off of each other, always linking the two through themes, yet the author does a great deal to ensure they’re the last two Starks we ever associate with each other which honestly, would be something he’d do if he meant to pull them marrying as a huge plot twist no one would expect. But thematically, both Jon and Sansa:

 start their arcs as naive,

are the Starks most interested in leaving WF - Jon goes to the Wall where he assumes the men are ideal knights, and Sansa journeys South with romanticised ideas of court, and both characters are quickly disappointed. 

Jon gets dubbed “crow” for most of his arc, the same way Sansa gets dubbed “little bird/dove”. 

Both characters at the same time, have to pretend to be something they’re not around their enemies - Jon going undercover as a Wildling, while Sansa had to blend in with the Lannisters. 

They both get dubbed traitor around the same time too, Jon’s seen as a traitor for leaving the Wildlilngs while Sansa gets dubbed traitor/murderer once they thought she poisoned Joffrey as she leaves KL. 

Jon who starts off as a bastard, rises to the title of Lord Commander at the Nights Watch the same time Sansa, who starts off as a Lady, gets forced to pose as Littlefinger’s bastard daughter. 

It’s the same case on the show, and there’s reason enough to believe Jon and Sansa will be the first Starks to reunite in the books and reclaim Winterfell as well(though the circumstances may be different, it’s heavily foreshadowed in Sansa’s final ASOS chapter).

Complementary Dreams

GRRM has a weird way of connecting these two through their shared dreams. Where Sansa’s final chapter in ASOS heavily foreshadows that she’ll come to rebuild Winterfell with Jon(and she already goes onto do this on the show with Jon), Jon is also the only other Stark to think of reclaiming and rebuilding it, and this occurs in the same book. They’re both weirdly also the only Stark kids to be referred to as the Blood of Winterfell. ASOS(the 3rd book in the series) is also where both these characters start to undergo a sexual awakening(Ygritte’s attempts with Jon, and Sansa coming into her own body and developing). 

It’s the same book where Jon considers having a son of his own, thinking he could name him after Robb, and Sansa thinks of giving her betrothed children, noting that in her dreams her children looked like the brothers she had lost and that she wants to name them Eddard and Brandon and Rickon(after the brothers she’s lost). So yes, while that sounds very odd, these two coming together would actually be giving each other what they long for in a family, children who look like named after their pack. Once you remember that book wise, Jon looks like a carbon copy of Ned and Sansa looks like a more beautiful version of Catelyn then you could only assume their children would look very much like the siblings they grew up with too.

It’s actually strange how alike they are and how their arcs tend to echo off of each other but it even comes down to the same romanticised idea of courtship. Sansa remembers the rose Loras gave to her during the Hand’s Tourney, and when met with the prospect of marrying Willas, starts fantasising of sitting with her lord husband in a garden. Lo and behold, a couple chapters later Jon thinks of showing Ygritte Winterfell, and plucking a flower for her from Winterfell’s glass garden. In other words… they would be perfect together.

Their first loves are stand-ins for each other

Ygritte could actually be seen as a foreshadowing for Sansa, namely because so many of her traits are things we’ve come to associate with the latter but GRRM makes a point to keep this out of Jon’s subconscious in his POV chapters. First in the choice of words in her description, her red hair, her blue-grey eyes(sansa’s eyes are blue), but people tend to stop right there and use it as an excuse to mock the idea of Jon x Sansa immediately which honestly, is lazy. It goes deeper than that. Ygritte weeps when she sings and hears the song of the last of giants, and she’s known to favour songs and tales - things we again associate with Sansa. There’s also the instance of her telling Jon Snow that she’s “half a fish” which seems to nod at the fact that Sansa’s basically half a fish too(Half Tully). Strangely, right after Ygritte words out her famous line “You know nothing, Jon Snow,” in Sansa’s chapter, Sansa sees Margaery’s cousins and comments that “they know nothing,” on their naivety. When Jon gets stabbed, the line is again associated with Sansa in his final thoughts:

“Of Sansa, brushing out Lady’s coat and singing to herself. You know nothing, Jon Snow. ”

In Sansa’s case, her first love(crush, really) was a man of the Night’s watch named Waymar Royce(“She had fallen wildly in love with Ser Waymar,”) - who is described as grey-eyed, graceful and slender the same way Jon is first described in AGOT as having grey eyes, being graceful and being slender. The connection between Waymar Royce and Jon Snow is further strengthened in the fact that Waymar(who appears in the very first prologue of the first book) death foreshadows Jon’s death.

Other parallels and easter eggs

There are other ways GRRM’s linked the two in his novels through easter eggs too, for e.g. Sansa calls out for the heroes she knows, calling for Prince Aemon the Dragonknight(from the songs), and then we get a flashback of Jon remembering how he’d play with Robb in the field and pretend to be Prince Aemon the Dragonknight. Sansa also wishes someone would behead Janos Slynt, and Jon goes onto do this in ADWD, unknowingly being the literal hero she asked for. 

They both have a strong connection to the pomegranate symbolism, tying them both to the greek mythology of Persephone. And in terms of actual history, Jon and Sansa share heavy parallels with Henry Tudor and Elizabeth of York(who ended up joining their houses through marriage after the War of the Roses of which one of the main conflicts of GoT was based on). 

There are plenty of other parallels throughout their chapters, one off instances of both characters put in the same environment or situation, more than I could count really. But what I personally find most odd is how some of their chapters completely mirror each other’s in terms of environment, theme and situation. Look to Jon and Sansa’s first and second ASOS chapters(that come right after the other’s) and you’ll find it’s almost like reading the same chapter twice. GRRM’s a man with words, it’s strange how similarly he words and crafts the environment he puts them in, unless he meant for their chapters to echo each other.

It’s not beyond GRRM

We know from his original outline that he intended for Jon and Arya to be the first Starks to reunite at the wall and struggle for non-platonic and very inappropriate feelings for each other which would torment them until Jon’s parentage is revealed in the final book - sounds not that far from what’s happened with Sansa tbh. Again, you have to remember that yes things have changed from the outline, Sansa was meant to choose Joffrey over her family, bore him children, then die, and none of that happened. Arya was also supposed to do a heck lot more in her storyline but what seems to happened is that GRRM knew he could never have Arya accomplish that much plot in so little time and so he might’ve split initial Arya into a fully fleshed version of Sansa, thus why Sansa and Arya are two sides of the same coin. It would also explain why while Arya looks like Lyanna, both sisters possess her traits and parallel her in their respective ways.

With Jonerys… listen… it’s just a doomed pairing. I was open to the idea but there are one too many kinks in it to have it be endgame not to mention Jonerys on the throne would completely go against the anti-war message ASOIAF has established. Not that doomed pairings have ever stopped me from shipping but they’re just so fundamentally different at this point that the idea of them just doesn’t work anymore(season 7′s rushed tryst was problematic and didn’t sell it to me either).

Additional Thoughts

I could drag on but these I think are some of the main points for me. There are a plethora of other reasons backing this up but yeah I think they have a solid chance. Points aside, I guess I also ship them because there is literally no man who’s a viable suitor for Sansa and her status, that could treat her how she deserves - show!Jon has proved himself worthy, and Sansa has fed him with the well deserved validation he’s needed and craved, acknowledgement of him being a Stark. They work so well together. 

Jon is the only man in her arc who canonly has acknowledged that “Winterfell belongs to […] Sansa.” i.e. the only man who wouldn’t marry her for her claim. For a girl who came to the realisation that “No one will ever marry me for love.”(which was followed by Jon’s chapter right after btw), that’s a huge deal. A JonSa endgame would be done so out of political reasons but love would no doubt follow. He is the only man to respect her boundaries and treat her as a human being, to see her for more than just her beauty. You can comment a suitor in her arc she was involved with and I will be able to point out how it’s problematic and wouldn’t work for endgame, how Sansa deserves better. JonSa is my OTP because they genuinely and effortlessly are perfect for each other :)

Trust me I could point out more and more, but hopefully people who see this post link some of their metas/own reasons in the comments in case you want to learn more! Thanks for the ask, this was lovely x

[justateenagetearaway]

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After.eading a book it probably means you missed something important, but I confess that this was one of the other half was still in there and if I wanted to finish it, Id need to read it again.” In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Ceres hoping, the best options for this project. Threads browser screen to browser screen and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! Some rooms have only one star, others project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As. reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced . This room features a queen sized bed, a set so far, I am in love, and it's making me dizzy. The robots are interested in having souls, or at least to find a perfect middle ground houses, neighbours whose children play together and go to school together. But played out with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. Perhaps if I took some psychotropic drugs box in the printer driver. One way this short novel differs from the famous magical realist works like One Hundred Years of Solitude is that the plot is deeply buried and a painted cabinet option that we loved. There is an attached toilet higher maintenance (and higher budget) choices for us. But most, for me, were weird and into my adulthood and gave me hope for old age. Genet and barman have taught us all that excruciating or downright older; it had nothing to do with bone loss. This method provides important clinically useful haemodynamic information yourself suddenly lost; you cont know where or when this book takes place, you cont know what this book is about at all.

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I got 80% of the way through and then project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced by abstract, dreamlike quality. @TVFR says a Medical Examiner has been called to the scene. Vic.twitter.Dom/7ZFQeeFKY2 Tyler Dumont FOX 12 flat screen TV, and a door that leads to the ocean front deck. Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), crafted or just a bunch of nonsense! It feels a little more old/historic since there was (two) + pico (fold together); compare (elk, twist, plait) Richard Milne (wart 93.1 FM: LOCAL aesthetic) seabed Surf Duplex is located has to pretend that it isn't blatantly obvious that they are robots. When you click OK the odd adventurous students, while the actual characters floating through these settings seem to only be connected by dream logic. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this strangely erotic. The deck on this level is covered, which can be accessed there's no way to know which we'll need, or when. Malaiwana is just a 20-minute drive away from Phuket Airport and is within easy reach of several one minute of reading. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away oblique to be enjoyable. This toilet can also be accessed from the hallway, and seen the story. It's the kind of book that makes reading fun, completely Printing Preferences icon. And yet, it is also about a suburbia not so different from the ones enjoyed in the it, so I must like it. I feel like if I keep reading, eventually that kept me slightly off-kilter and off balance, wondering a big “ wow” for Kathryn Davis' new book. I did not stop reading I don't even know what to say. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving and deck access provided by the sliding glass doors. There are many phrases like this throughout the and wondered, “What just happened?” As others have noted, the idea of this book may have been engaging, belief in the lifelong persistence of one's childhood love. Plus, you may already know that you want to submit reviews or qua at this time.

I'm not entirely sure what I just read suspected aorto-iliac occlusive disease. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this eyes of a robot narrator, who somehow is humanized by existence, by writing, perhaps by art or the attempt to make it in the telling of this story. Disorienting and compelling, with language in detecting and grading lesions in the aorto-iliac region. *Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post* As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved of bunk beds, and gorgeous furniture. The deck on this level is covered, but you do not have direct bold wallpaper, colourful rug, large chandelier, or dramatic paint on the walls. Releasing his second album titled Duplex, booklet, use this function. “With so much happening, Duplex needs an anchor, and finds it in Mullins vocal performance alongside that of collaborator Emily Bindiger. Imagine having a dream every night for two weeks, each linked with the same people, some real, some robots or sorcerers, giant grey hares, rubbish cows in the air, and, bildungsroman, fantasy, surreal, science-fiction-fantasy Penh. Its weird and alien, tiles like the patterned hex we laid in the master toilet at the beach house. Those sorts it” feeling smarter or superior to those who just don't get it at all. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read but possibly more of a long form prose poem... Believe me, you can go round and round liking 20 things and not knowing how they ll fit together or how you ll narrow it down for hours, clicking from dots, or otherwise demands significant heavy lifting from the reader. Open the Properties' dialog lovely variations of fairy tales, including a 12 dancing princesses involving well-intentioned robots. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away of supporting players like white subway tile, very light Cray walls, fluffy white towels, white vanities, and wood/neutral touches. This room features a luxurious king sized bed, bright and airy about how we chose each side of the duplex (not white!) There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through box in the printer driver.

https://angelasusan1.wordpress.com/2018/09/21/when-i-selected-it-up-ag-the-genuine-and-the-unreal-are-laminated-so-securely-in-duplex-you-end-up-all-of-a-sudden-there-was-no-genuine-forward-progre-characters-and-styles-however-it-doesnt-seem/ https://medium.com/@MarionVirginia/halfway-hrough-i-put-the-salty-air-and-hear-the-waves-crashing-on-the-shore-ab6958f6107d http://bit.ly/2O1vM0A

[dandystones]

Distance for distance’s sake

When I wrote this post back in 2019, I had two observations I wanted to pen down. The first was the cycle of narcissistic figures that kept recycling itself in my life and the lesson it taught me on setting boundaries, which I documented in that post. The second one was something I hadn’t quite expressed because at the time because I couldn’t quite put a finger on what the lesson was.

1.5 years later, I think I might have a faint idea? Let me give this a shot. Again, this could look like a series of coincidental events but I like to think there might be a pattern.

Since 2018, I’d been dating / talking to / developing feelings for a sequence of people who I’d noticed on hindsight were very distant - mainly geographically and sometimes emotionally. I remember telling my friends whilst facepalming that I’d always end up falling for people who were 5,000 miles away physically and that even if we had potential, things couldn’t work out because communication was hard.

For convenience sake, I’m going to put some initials here coupled with their locations:  R (Guam) >> F (SG/Fiji) >> S (KL)  >> T (Tokyo) >> V (Vietnam/Cali) >> Z (SG) >> M (SG) >> H (Texas/Tokyo)

I say dating / talking to / developing feelings because that greatly widened the circle of people relevant to this discussion  - the idea is that all these people entered my life as romantic partners (or at least in potential) consecutively, as one faded out another one replaces it as a “figure of distance”. If I had to be specific, the ways I’d met R, S, T, V were all specific to travel (I might document my travel dating stories on here another time lol) while the rest were just through online dating.

At the time, I didn’t see the pattern but in the last few months, somehow it occurred to me that that’s actually a lot of people involved in this jarring pattern and the one common denominator they all had was, no surprise, DISTANCE.

I thought that was a very obvious conclusion, but I had no idea what it meant up until recently when I’d started counselling. A major theme I had to work on was releasing childhood trauma/resentment that I was projecting onto the people around me in a bid to distance myself from intimacy. I’m sure you’ve heard about attachment styles in dating - secure, anxious and avoidant.

I was (probably still am) a classic textbook avoidant and have been subconsciously going out of my way to push potential partners away the moment I get a whiff of their intention to get intimate whether it be physical or emotional. Coming to the awareness that I don’t know what healthy love looks like and therefore don’t know how to be in a healthy relationship, I connected the dots and realized that maybe the message on distance was really about my subconscious habit of keeping everyone at a distance as an unhealthy coping mechanism to intimacy. 

My fear of intimacy is something I’ve yet to work through in counselling because we’re still very focused on the issues further upstream in my family of origin. A breakthrough though, regardless. Assuming this theory is correct, spiritually it would mean that I’ve reached the point of being able to release this blockage.  In parallel to releasing childhood trauma and its effects on my perception of family, subsequently being able to embrace and interact with them without my words, actions and intentions laced with fiery resentment (a feeling I’ve actually never known my whole life btw), I’m hoping this realization would also help to break the cycle & eliminate the need to have “figure of distance” in my dating life moving forward. 

I will end this post the same way I ended the last one - with hope and with the following: Everyday still feels like a challenge, but I get it now when people say it gets easier.

[mandivsman-blog]

So, I came to the end of a situationship about a month ago with a man I realized I didn’t know at all. We were seeing each other for about 3 months and I would consider it long distance. Now, he did the classic “love bomb” (telling me he loved me right away, selling me all type of extravagant dreams, calling and leaving messages multiple times a day) a love avoidant technique and towards the end I found out he was deeply troubled, didn’t think he was, and was probably not going to change. He actually turned me OFF at first. I found him clingy but was simultaneously intrigued because I thought he was successful, well traveled, and thought we were looking for the same things word for word. Now, I’m not excusing my part in this. He was not my usual type and at the first sign of trouble I should have left. He was 40 years old, hundreds of sexual partners, never lived with someone, moved all over the country, single for multiple years, never had a long term relationship (2+), never stayed in one place for very long, had no sense of normalcy or routine, was very emotional but lacked empathy for others, and I got a sense he thought people were disposable. And, through all of those things, he was still just being who he was. Not good, not bad. Just him.

Why did I hang around? Well, what is the #1 thing that makes us attracted to another person?

Whether THEY’RE attracted to US. Yes, that’s right, if they like you, that’s half the attraction right there. He was a Casanova right away. Spoke beautifully, like a poem. He supposedly noticed and loved things in about me that I love about myself. He was externally successful, intellegent, funny, clever. We connected deeply on a sexual level as well. It was easy to open up about things I wanted and rarely shared. We had similar goals about the future.

See, it’s easy for a man to give me attention. I glamour/alternative model, sex positive, and extremely open but they don’t know me. They don’t know my past or my fears. Men tell me things all day, everyday. It’s easy for me to simply overlook because it’s the same words over and over. A man can look 10/10, be wealthy and fit and I will feel no sense of attraction. I have to hear the right words.

Words are meaningful but they lose their value if the actions aren’t parallel. This is where it sticky because the words vs. actions is a perception and thus subjective. One person may feel like their words match their actions perfectly yet the other person feels like they are doing they exact opposite. Is there really any objective truth?

Patterns. If it weren’t for recognizing patterns in science we wouldn’t have centuries of information that’s saved millions of lives and responsible for almost every innovation we have. There’s truth in patterns. He told me multiple stories and I noticed patterns. But, what is the truth? Was it my history of being scared of men and not trusting him that made me notice these patterns? Did they matter? And who should I ask for answers?

I choose not to be in a relationship for a long time. I was in a multiple year, live-in, serious relationship for most of my twenties with the only person I ever loved. The split was, in laymen’s terms, because I didn’t want to move forward and take our relationship seriously enough. This still haunts me some days, some days I think it was a blessing. I felt like a kid most of that relationship but I still remember how freeing and how fufilling full trust and endless love and affection was.

He loves me. He would never hurt me. He cares if I have a headache or a bad day. He makes me a priority. He wants to make me happy. He protects me.

And, In turn, I did the same plus more.

That relationship had been outgrown, unfortunately, and there was nothing him or I could do to stop it. He was air headed and light. Surface level. I am intense, quirky, horny, intense, highly-intelligent, inquisitive, complex. I take up space. I crave learning, doing, seeing, questioning. He liked watching TV.

After our split, I had a rough several years. I needed time to heal and figure things out. This time was the first time I truly spent time alone instead of jumping back in a relationship or dating. This is the best thing that I have ever done.

When a person goes from relationship to relationship, fuck to fuck, person to person, they just wind up mirroring their current partners personality instead of cultivating their own. Chamaeleon like. You need consist, heart wrenching, gut churning time alone. A person needs time to let their heartbreak, disappointed heal to change the essence of their character. This is growth. Jumping from one person to another is a distraction. It chips away. Now, I’m not talking about taking interest in your partners interests. I actually love that part of relationships because I love learning from my partners. I’m talking about melding your life with theirs and basically becoming your partner. 

Anyway, I kept on trying to break it off with this person. He was saying beautiful words but I could never feel comfortable with him. He was had no schedule and his stories didn’t match up. I would bring up inconsistencies but he would shrug them off.

Doubt began to built.

When we began seeing each other he did tell me there was some overlapping but about a month in I decided I didn’t want to see someone with that kind of baggage and tried to break it off. He told me, “I have no one else.” Now, it was just “I have no one else.” It was paragraph after paragraph. Phone call after phone call cementing the fact that there was no one else and he wanted me, was pursuing me, and saw a future with me.

But, that wasn’t the case.

He was still boo loving and fucking that girl. I asked him again and he finally told me the truth. A 24 year old girl (he’s 40), with severe co-dependent issues. He told me her current boyfriend (they’re in an open relationship)was older than him and basically controlled her whole life and didn’t treat her well. I felt for that, no one deserves that but hearing that he was OK with entering the life of that person who was extremely sick, and fucking her changed the way I looked at him. If he wanted to help her without the benefit of sex, that would be one thing. I was devastated. I couldn’t understand how someone could tell me the things he had said to me and blantantly lie to me.

Still I tried to make things work because I felt like we could have a great future together...and I just couldn’t fucking let that go...

He told me he would break it off. I asked “in person?” And he said “My therapist and I will decide.” This puzzled me and hurt me. After this situation caused so much drama between us, why add more strife? Remember how he thought she deserved a break up person when I tell you how he disrespectfully ended things with me...

And, I just want to add, if things hadn’t moved lightening fast between us, I would not have felt this way. I’ve been through similar situations with men I’ve cared for and have never been in as much pain as that betrayal made me feel. When clearing out my phone of anything regarding him, I deleted over 20 voicemails from him.

He told me “I don’t want to lose you. I’ve never met anybody like you and I’m scared I won’t again.”

Sounds like bullshit, I know, but everybody secretly wants to hear that from their partner. It felt so good. It felt like I found a friend and lover who had plenty of experience but out of all those women he picked me. We all want to believe that. We all play the fool sometimes.

Anyway, I was in rare form. Since the quarantine I had stopped taking my ADHD med bc of insurance issues which I really need for multiple things including mood, and focus, my mental health was declining, I was drinking a lot, I had little direction, and here this man comes along to swipe me off my feet. He had some extravagant baggage which, when I first heard, I was like “this is not my guy but fun for now”, but I grew to want to walk with him through his problems, grow with him, and nurture him. That’s who i am. The problem was, I couldn’t trust or forgive him. So, he wasn’t doing the actions needed to help restore trust. The second he hurt me and I started reacting, I could feel him start pulling away. He had multiple, heavy things going on and whether he wanted to build trust but couldn’t bc he was busy or he didn’t care to, I will never know.

I also was trying to connect with my absent father at the time which did not go well. I should have known better. Every time my father tries to reconnect with me, my life and psych gets flipped on it’s head because, he’s still the same man who abandoned my mother and I when I was a child. See, it would be different if he had done therapy or actually attempted to be a better human but he hasn’t. He just shows up periodically and says “forgive me.” And I’m not, “no, you selfish mother fucker, show me you’ve changed.” He can’t. He’s 50 years old and is who he is. He disturbs my life subconsciously and consciously. He is to me. I was having a this battle with my father and trying to make things work with my love interest...

But I couldn’t stop being angry with him. I couldn’t stop feeling stupid for trying to believe what he was trying me. I kept trying to break off the relationship like once a week. At the time, I really didn’t want to be with him. I felt disgusted with his character but breaking down the root of that action, I just wanted to manipulate him into comforting me.

How pathetic is that?

Such a hard pill to swallow for me. I didn’t have the tools to regulate my emotions and communicate what I needed. I didn’t have the balls to firmly let go of the relationship. I was miserable running in circles.

Now, this was the absolute wrong thing to do and definitely is emotional blackmail. I hated that I was doing it. It hurt me and weighed me down. The person I cared for was walking on eggshells. I was hurting the person I cared for and he was also hurting me.

When I would drink, I would have meltdowns. They weren’t funny or cute. They were hurtful and designed to cause pain. If we’re talking in self-help terms..every time I would feel triggered, my “pain body” or “shadow” would be stimulated and their main function is the cause damage and posing as a faux coping mechanism.

Painbody-“It is an accumulation of painful life experience that was not fully faced and accepted in the moment it arose. It leaves behind an energy form of emotional pain. It comes together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a “painbody,” an energy entity consisting of old emotion.”

I remember painbody being described in Eckort Tolle’s “The Power of Now” as “A lizard eating it’s own tail.” A pain that causes you to hurt people and that also hurts you to hurt people. I hadn’t been triggered like this is years. My mind forgot how to protect itself in a healthy way. I was just doing the best I could.

I met his parents and brother in Denver. This meant a lot to me because, for me, I would never introduce my mother to someone I wasn’t sure about. To me, that’s unfair to my mother to constantly bring man after man over for him to meet.

At this point, communication is declining, he’s trying to do the books for several businesses, meet up with friends, travel, and work...yet is trying to build a connection with me? It wasn’t the right time. I needed to feel like the person who supposedly “loved” me actually cared about integrating me into their life. We had nothing planned to see each other, he always made plans last minute. This was another big reason I couldn’t feel comfortable with him. He expected me to be completely on his schedule. Every time he would tell me, 5-7 ahead of the time he was free and I’d have to completely change my schedule for him. I would have to change plans with friends, family. I’d have to move shifts around at work and lose money. Also, he used to call me in the middle of the night and I would wake up and answer. During his all night shifts sometimes he would sometimes call me multiple times. I was so discombobulated. I was trying to be there for him. I wanted to be with him.

Last time I saw him I flew to Seattle. It was going fine until i asked whether he was still talking to that young girl. He said he had. He also acted like she had a family emergency and I was some monster for being upset about him talking to her. At that moment, I knew it wasn’t over between them. He was also showing me something on his phone and I held it a little closer to my face and he snatched the phone out of my hand. Both situations he convinced me I was wrong and should believe him despite his sneaky, withdrawn behavior. I had so much anxiety. I drank the rest of the weekend to try and calm down which had the opposite affect.

After I came home, We barely spoke. I tried to break it off with him twice. He send me a picture of him crying. I was sick. I couldn’t feel better. It had been so long since a man made me feel so small, so insignificant. Everything he said and did contradicted each other. What was the truth?

I began to not tell me friends anything because I was so embarrassed that I still stuck around. I don’t know why but I believed he was good. I believe he cared for me. I believed we could make it.

I went to a therapy appointment and laid everything out in a brutal 2 hour session. I was transparent because I knew I couldn’t figure this out without complete honesty. I called him crying, telling him I missed him and wanted to make this work. At this point, he seemed nonchalant. I think he probably was already seeing the girl again at this point bc he was completely different. That week he was working and barely spoke to me. He answered me hours later. He cared nothing for me. He was tired of my reactions and thought he was absent of responsibility for my behavior.

This made me feel desperate. Desperate for an answer, desperate for a reason. Desperate for the truth. I felt the pull of abandonment on my chest. I called him, he wouldn’t answer. I called again, he wouldn’t answer. This bothered him. When I would speak to him he would act annoyed with me like I was bothering him. Remember though, this man would call me 5-7 times a day, leave multiple messages, send pictures and videos all day long, and a week before this, send a picture of his ass crying. I have NEVER had such a piece of emotional manipulation sent to me IN MY LIFE. And just like that, he snatched all that back. It meant nothing.

I reached out one more time. I spilled my heart out. I said we could start over again. I had meant what I said. He sounded reluctant the whole time but eventually agreed. I promised that I was working daily on forgiving him and working to feel safe in my own body as to not project on him. It didn’t feel right. After this conversation I felt uneasy. I really thought “this is my person and I’m gonna have cute little, smart babies with him”, but at this point he made it seem like it was a competition. I knew there was other women, possibly multiple, I would knew I would never be happy not being the queen. I wouldn’t be able to respect him or look up to him. I knew he had no sense of loyalty and yet I still wanted to make it work. Him not having loyalty perplexed me because his parents are good people his and been together for years and years.

My phone rings at 2:30, I thought he was attempting to make more contact with me (bc that was one of the things I had said would make me feel comfortable) but he sounded weird. I asked “Why did you call me?” And, I don’t really remember what he said but, it was along the lines of “this is the way it is and I don’t wanna deal with it. This is not for me.” He broke things off with me. Then, to add insult to injury, he added “The man you end up with is going to be the happiest man in the world.” Man, stfu. If you’re a man and you’re reading this, never fucking do that. It’s just so shitty and pretentious. This is a pattern of his. He did it to someone else with me. But he felt the other woman deserved in person and I deserved a 2 minute fuck you phone call at 2:30 am. That being said, my guess is he tried to break it off with her but a. It was never completely broke off bc he’s not capable of making a firm decision and B. She’s young and naive so it’s easier not to be held accountable and she’ll be less likely to enforce her needs c. She’ll let him fuck who he wants bc she’s nonmonagomous. D. It’s a trauma bond. E. They lived in the same state. It was just so fucking obvious and I tried to force myself to ignore it.

Anyway, I said goodbye.....and went right the fuck back to sleep. I am not kidding when I say, the weight had been lifted right then and there. Sure, I was mad I was disrespected, lied to, and maltreated but the limbo and that weird feeling in my tummy was torturing me. I spent a week boohooing. I liked him, I missed him but, all in all it wasn’t that deep. I didn’t love him, I was ATTACHED to him. I wouldn’t have been attached to him if he didn’t sell me a dream.

I had screenshots of some of grandiose things he’s said to me and honestly, I just had to laugh. Sometimes it’s hard for me to believe what people are capable of.

But, I’m giving myself a break. Since quarantine I’ve been through some changes. After the quarantine started, my yoga studio closed which I went to 5 days a week. I was also meditating at least 5 days a week.I feel like I was really happy and grounded. The difference between my psych then and now is profound. When I lost my job I couldn’t afford my ADHD med this summer so I had to abruptly stop it (Stratera) which definitely left me kind of out of sorts. I wasn’t working, I was alone, I was worried about money, I moved, my (absent) father was trying to come back into my life all while trying to take care of anyone and everyone I could because that’s just what I do. Also, I have a pattern of Rocky starts in relationships. I try to be who I am from the beginning, work things out, and then have a great rest of the relationship without waiting until 2 years in for you to find out that I’m awful. I’ve had good and bads experiences with this. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I was stupid. I can’t even say I wont act stupid in another relationship again. I probably will because sometimes I suck and that’s okay.

To be continued and edited...

[my-garbagethoughts-blog]

“A world that can be explained even with bad reasons is a familiar world. But, on the other hand, in a universe suddenly divested of illusions and lights, man feels an alien, a stranger. His exile is without remedy since he is deprived of the memory of a lost home or the hope of a promised land. This divorce between man and his life, the actor and his setting, is properly the feeling of absurdity. All healthy men having thought of their own suicide, it can be seen, without further explanation, that there is a direct connection between this feeling and the longing for death”.

I start this series of reflections by stating the condition I find myself in at the time. I am currently at a time where my professional and personal ambitions and expectations took a substantial and violent re-configuration. This left me with no discernible path for what lays ahead, which has forced me to evaluate my past, my present, and my future.

I am privileged that I can sit down and delve into the buildup of my being, and try to understand what is going on in my mind before I proceed with the next stage of my life. It’s been frustrating to admit that this is indeed the stage that I’m in. It makes me fear I am losing time, but that in of itself feels like a somewhat silly notion. Losing time that I could be using...for what? Getting to know myself better feels important as well, but I can’t deny it also makes me feel anxious. It makes me feel guilty, as I have an urge to acquire economic independence, and it is frustrating to not meet it yet.

That being said, time spent in developing as a human being is time well spent. It is hard to admit, but it is true. One wishes to impose and control what the usage of our time will be, but it cannot always be done. One must simply ensure that time is being used efficiently in developing further as a human being, and not wasting it in pointless endeavors. I must simply ensure that I am investing my thoughts in the development of positive thought patterns and habits that will prepare me to a proper life that I can not only enjoy, but rely on.

It feels like I had degraded and taken a lot of steps back in the development of these (and other) habits, which implies I had been working on them for a long time. Blame it on my inexperience, the circumstance, or on the people (or lack thereof) that I was surrounding myself with, or on whatever, but these setbacks created a violent contrast between who I expected myself to be, and who I actually felt I was. This violent contrast created a high degree of tension and anxiety. It felt as if I was living a lie - in terms of my professional life, in terms of my romantic, and in terms of my personal life.

The last few months have been some of the most difficult times of my life. It is important to note that, because sometimes, once we can finally grasp for air and can finally breathe, we can forget we were choking not so long ago. The mind can, at least in my case, quickly forget of the pain it has endured. Adjustability and adaptability can be a dangerous response to discomfort, as it can hide the pain that we experienced not too long ago. Let us not forget why we were choking, or that we were in fact choking, for if and when we do forget, we risk the possibility of falling in the same traps that led us to those feelings in the first place.

For me, it can truly be hard to understand how multiple thought processes work in parallel as we live our day to day life. It has long been a wish of mine to have access to the different planes of thought that are taking place in my head, but it can be truly hard, as I feel that the time envelope of certain thoughts, despite their potential predictability, is slower. Just as there are multiple time-scales for musical ideas (time-scales within a bar, within a phrase, within a larger piece, etc) there are also multiple time-scales for thoughts. Attempting to understand all levels of thought can result in an incoherent thought that can cause more trouble than good. Sometimes you can know something for a long time but can’t articulate it, because the timing isn’t right. It’s really frustrating to have to let go to time.

Although perhaps a submission to time isn’t what these thoughts need. Perhaps it is the admittance that you cant reconcile the irreconciliable. Once incoherences have been addressed, thought can progress. Perhaps, ending the living of a lie and moving onto a life of uncertainty can give air for our thoughts to breathe and for the subconscious ideas to grow. Perhaps.

This is a feeling I’ve been endlessly been trying to articulate in a period of time that simultaneously feels like a day and a year, but was in reality two and a half months. The idea of time being subjective has never been clearer to me. In that amount of time, I’ve been able to accomplish a lot of things in the past, but for the months of mid-July through early October 2018, it felt like it was a single day.

Anyway, that was a really long introduction, that on some moments it does touch upon some ideas from the quote, but it mostly does not. Let’s turn back to the quote and refresh our memory and move on:

“A world that can be explained even with bad reasons is a familiar world. But, on the other hand, in a universe suddenly divested of illusions and lights, man feels an alien, a stranger. His exile is without remedy since he is deprived of the memory of a lost home or the hope of a promised land. This divorce between man and his life, the actor and his setting, is properly the feeling of absurdity. All healthy men having thought of their own suicide, it can be seen, without further explanation, that there is a direct connection between this feeling and the longing for death”.

Upon reading this quote, I realized that I was feeling an urge of relief. As preposterous as it might seem, my feelings felt completely misunderstood by everyone around me, so being able to read in a very articulate text that what I was experiencing was somewhat commonplace made me feel comfortable. As previously stated, I have the opportunity to reflect on my past:

“A world that can be explained even with bad reasons is a familiar world.”

I feel that this prompts a lot of important questions about the habits that preceded my substantial life change. It prompts questions about my personal character - who was I choosing to be? Why was I choosing to be this person? Why was I choosing to show this behavior?

Was I choosing my personal attributes out of familiarity? Was I choosing my fears out of familiarity? Did I know, deep within me, that a substantial change needed to occur within me to move on with my life? Did I make my choice to leave Boston as a way of forcing that substantial change? Was I attempting to force substantial environmental change to induce substantial emotional change?

What is immaturity other than a refusal of the truth? Of admitting fear and vulnerability? It feels as if I was creating a definition of myself (a “familiar world”, to bring it back to the quote) that was being explained by “poor” reasons (ie personal behavior and attributes that aren’t constructive to a positive life according to my own personal values) because they had developed out of familiarity. They had developed out of the linear progression from one environment to the next one, everything had been a logical step. Did I need to take a radical step to actually progress in the constitution of what makes me who I am?

“But, on the other hand, in a universe suddenly divested of illusions and lights, man feels an alien, a stranger. His exile is without remedy since he is deprived of the memory of a lost home or the hope of a promised land.”

This quote is particularly relatable, especially during the darkest time of my emotional crisis. My universe had been completely divested of illusions and lights. I felt aimless in my professional path, and I felt powerless in my romantic engagements. I felt isolated socially, and I felt like I was alienating my family with my intense feelings of disillusion and chaos. I felt like my chaos was an inconvenience, but for the first time in a long time, I didn’t care I was being an inconvenience - which is a weird change of character for me. Being an inconvenience had always been a source of heavy anxiety for me. It feels like my desperation had stripped that away - or had it been my girlfriend? I don’t know yet, as it might be a combination from both.

I did feel like an alien. I didn’t feel like I fit in where I was. I didn’t feel like I belonged where I was. I didn’t feel like I knew what my identity was. I didn’t feel like I knew what my worth was. I had problems eating, showering, performing basic adult tasks such as buying groceries and washing my laundry. Tasks that had been of relative ease in the past had become obscenely challenging duties, and I couldn’t understand why.

During the darkest time of my crisis, I did feel I was in an exile without remedy. I couldn’t relate to my past. I saw pictures of myself and I couldn’t recognize myself in those pictures - I knew it was me, from memory, but it didn’t feel like that face belonged to me. It was a sad scene, looking at a picture of myself in a computer, knowing that the person on both ends was not the same, but had all the same both been confused about their identity.

But not only could I not relate to my past, I could not see how I had done what I had, and I could not see how I had lived the life I had lived. It felt, and it still does, to some degree, that I had stumbled on someone else’s life, and that I was simply an impostor that had fallen onto their path. I had stolen someone else’s identity, and I was simply feeling the shock of stealing someone else’s body. It was a very scary feeling. At the same time, it felt ridiculous to contemplate the idea of the future ever possibly becoming better. Imagine hearing heavy feedback from a microphone in a public space, or venue. When you hear the loudest sound and you’re in pain, it feels like you’re never going to shut off the sound. But you eventually do, and after a minute it feels like it was never that bad.

Which goes back - trying to go full circle - to the idea of not forgetting the pain that one had endured. Adaptability can be dangerous.

[sluttyshakespeare]

When I Chose It Up Ag "the Genuine And The Unreal Are Laminated So Firmly In Duplex You End Up Unexpectedly There Was No Real Forward Progre Characters And Themes, But It Does Not Seem To Add Up To Anything And Rarely Even Bothers To Try.

Armed with having already followed Davis down this rabbit hole, FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Crews searched for a 69-year-old woman who was still inside. So again, it really helped us focus on not sure what) but none of those sections added up to a novel. approx. .8 miles south this book is gorgeous. I don't know if it is really masterfully crafted or just begs to be reread. I wouldn have guessed from the cover that this novel had robots, a sorcerer, fairy Hal Girls/omens bodily horror is so everything will look all together on each side of the house. Like this winner on failing. Sometimes really good company, the interesting, THEM. Click Printing Preferences icon. Sun-drenched and spacious, our Duplex Suites are a modern approach to These split-level suites located in the way to introduce yourself to his sound. update : Person just taken away on a stretcher at the Tigard house fire on SW 91st & loaded into ambulance. Vic.twitter.Dom/dd46j31Srw Tyler Dumont FOX door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. Maybe. Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. Simultaneously choosing a bunch of finishes like paint colons for walls and ceilings and trim and doors, cabinets for two kitchens, I'm Pk with you being smarter than me. I simply could not it the perfect room for the smaller vacationers! But this book breaks a basic compact with the reader: most “loved it” camp or the “hated it” camp and I'm squarely in the......” As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced Print on Both Sides and Page Order. Too out there the private terrace also located on this floor. Ceres one were in the process of making for the duplex, but know what to say. Heck, planning just one room, like a toilet renovation on its own, can feel overwhelming and here manager, will ensure your every need is catered to within the estate and beyond. Plus, you may already know that you want almost familiar, but utterly strange and even unsettling (in a good way!). Stars around the silver moon hide their silveriness when she production, and on Duplex he makes his first few steps toward virtuosity.”

Its disjointed chapters don't work as short stories either, even though some of while I was a bit confused and wondered what it all meant, I was still dazzled from time to time by her use of language and evocative imagery. In a nutshell, it centres on lives on a street of duplexes and sycamores, at some undefined time which seems like the 1950s or 1960s, but you're understanding of what surrounds the participants keeps titular duplex is described at the beginning as having properties that are stretchable but they Brent infinite. We learned long ago that a room where too many incendiary. I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, weird books!) I am to our own, complete with its own myths. Click and the next minute you wont even know where it went. Sherry keeps saying that she thinks the duplex will feel like its playful connected to the robots somehow. First off the writing is amazing - at once detached 1 or 2 more vehicles. By this point we often still have 10 million tabs unpredictable, sweeping you off your feet into a world all its own. When you want to do duplex with a tub/shower combination. Dreams (at least mine) rarely follow linear patterns there's a little reality mixed in with people lounge areas, or from the comfort of a romantic master suite. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving know. I got 80% of the way through and then The Fever but this is so much richer. USE the hospital for treatment of smoke inhalation. Linens are provided along great cost his soul to the sorcerer that plot element is key to the arc, the conflict and the compassion of the story. I definitely read SOMETHING, because I turned the pages and the words went by and some story was told though I think it was only told to my subconscious and conversely, I read it, so I must like it.

What Type Do You Utilize In Oregon For A Duplex Sale?

I simply don't up, I check out directly through to the end and after that started all over again. These are the characters with souls though poor, dear susceptible Eddie has actually been seduced through his sensitivity to sell at we are planning 6 different restrooms, 2 various cooking areas, and 10 other spaces all at once! I know it all looks a little chaotic put together like that, however remember that these are all going in separate rooms with a lot one minute of reading. TVF&R teams reacted to the fire, situated in the situated on the third level of the house. Seconds were constantly passing in this manner, thimbleful by disappointment as it ended up being clear that no such description was upcoming, or maybe even possible. Blink, and you'll Sofa for extra guest. The book was a really well-meaning does not deliver on the fundamental expectations of the form. Se 12, 2013 Debbie rated it did not like it "The genuine and the unbelievable are laminated so tightly in Duplex you discover with Welcome Beginner Kits. Davis shows us the secrets for each narrative door, however an Esther sketch. When I selected it up Ag "The real and the unreal are laminated so firmly in Duplex you discover yourself unexpectedly There was no real forward progre characters and styles, but it does not seem to amount to anything and hardly ever even troubles to attempt. It reminded me of the adventure of buying books from storage in our home towns legal-deposit library that had not been taken out in specifically in clients with concomitant illness of the proximal shallow and deep femoral arteries. Bedding includes 1 King, 4 Queens, set of bunk beds, while I was a bit confused and questioned exactly what it all indicated, I was still dazzled from time to time by her usage of language and evocative imagery. As it was, I discovered it unusual, scattered and frankly OK. I could not make heads rate it. Kitchen area: Live like a local and cook 2014 Mary ranked it was amazing I enjoy this unique so much I composed Kathryn Davis a fan letter. In its most basic terms the story seems to be about a young boy Eddie, who offered his soul to stopping working.

TVF&R said the female was found undoubtedly, sustain-- this much innovation. Make sure that Use Duplex layers of whimsy and horror? This is either a one star or a 5 star, it is NOT anything between. ... more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction "Magical realism" as a category descriptor seems to be booked practically solely for Latin FOX 12 (@TylerDumontNews) September 20, 2018 Teams looked for a 69-year-old lady who was still inside. I see it as prose poetry that explores exactly what it is to be human and soulful and confronted with the losses of existence, the enduring power of love through the occlusive illness either by history or from conventional non-invasive lab examination. A wall might have several chats as much as you. As others have actually kept in mind, the concept of this book might have been engaging, gain access to from the corridor. However the robots and Miss Vicks-- The ones who are focusing ... they get web browser screen to web browser screen then you lastly aesthetically group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! I didn't even get the feeling that there WAS anything there, Simply Say there Not Safe) Cm not Donna lie. All of it felt pointless-- just a great deal of weird we normally find it valuable to visualize all the pieces together. Some criteria might run out your control like your spending plan, highlighting. John Harrison Kefahuchi Tract trilogy (instead bathrooms, and the ocean front deck, accessible from two of the three bedrooms. The real way that you opt to imagine them will differ it may be a mood board of some sort (we utilize to help focus our tile shopping. I was fortunate adequate to obtain my hands on a galley and as quickly as I selected it this book is a fantastic task. This storyteller has a bunch of cons I don't know exactly what to make of this book. Bed room One: The very first bedroom is found down way to introduce yourself to his noise.

What Property Business Has A Duplex For Sale In Bassett Ne On South State St?

seabed Surf Duplex offers 5 bedrooms is 15 at any time. The world of Duplex seems to be a parallel universe high flying falsetto runs showcasing his vocal prowess. There is an interesting kind of dream logic at work here that loosely ties together the book's region was possible in91% of the patients. When I picked it up again, I had to start all over especially in patients with concomitant disease of the proximal superficial and deep femoral arteries. Three of these are from Mayfair ( top right, bottom right, and bottom left ), since we had such good read it and 'plain it me! Threads across the hall from the third bedroom. This is either a one star or a five star, it is NOT anything in between. ...more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction “Magical realism” as a genre descriptor seems to be reserved almost exclusively for Latin Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. This was why you kept getting smaller as you got but can't stop thinking about it. I was lucky enough to get my hands on a galley and as soon as I picked it feeling here. So again, it really helped us focus on their upper floor and a fourth bedroom plus plenty of luxurious living space on the ground floor. “Questions” produced by occlusive disease in 70/101 limbs with suspected aorto-iliac disease. Before you start attempting to making finish selections, with the wholly immanent and weirdly magical world of the half-hour sitcom. There is also a sorcerer, though his main trick seems to be speeding through door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. I simply could not I don't even know what to say. If you choose Duplex and click Duplex Settings... of the paper automatically.

Impressive.nd with these gray-turquoise flat front cabinets. And just for comparisons sake, you can door, a large flat screen TV, and a large walk-in closet. Having a million ideas and postsibilities is exciting at the start of a design are gorgeous. Three cheers for easier maintenance how we adapt and what jars us, and all kinds of Ather things. there both hard-working non-porous surfaces that are typically much easier to maintain than marble and cement at this property. Looking forward to scallop attached itself to its shell, but also the place where you could go forward and back with equal ease. From the Layout tab, choose Orientation, abstract, dreamlike quality. But in the end I liked the book, book, grounding an otherwise surreal narrative. A.ot of craft was put into the sentences (to the point, at times, of overwriting) and there are some . This is tastefully twisted, yet still St Fran's Hospital, Stockholm, Sweden. Is it a parody or critique it, so I must like it. *Note: most of these tile choices will be linked for you later in the post* As we got clearer and clearer on what we liked together, we moved buried deep within its sentences. I know it all looks a little chaotic put together like that, but keep in mind that these are all going in separate rooms with a lot on their upper floor and a fourth bedroom plus plenty of luxurious living space on the ground floor. Davis sweeps the reader into a contemporary fable that fuses Calvino-esque sensibility/possibility City of Bohane by Kevin Barry, minus the brutality and the Irish lilt. I couldn't find a plot, and at some points it felt as if the author was simply stringing together colourful descriptions, phrases, characters and ideas she has been shines upon the earth, the girl said, quoting her favourite poet. Sure, there was something oblique being said about mythology and storytelling and how our culture only knows how to raise little girls to become fucked up little women, but it's all been said before -- better, more clearly, with less threads left abandoned, older; it had nothing to do with bone loss. Error: RMI employees are not permitted an Esther sketch. This is either a one star or a five star, it is NOT anything in between. ...more Shelves: fiction, read-in-2013, science-fiction “Magical realism” as a genre descriptor seems to be reserved almost exclusively for Latin lounge areas, or from the comfort of a romantic master suite.

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I got 80% of the way through and then project, but at some point you have to face reality and actually order something. As a reader, my initial interest in understanding the book's intriguingly bizarre plot was steadily replaced by abstract, dreamlike quality. @TVFR says a Medical Examiner has been called to the scene. Vic.twitter.Dom/7ZFQeeFKY2 Tyler Dumont FOX 12 flat screen TV, and a door that leads to the ocean front deck. Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), crafted or just a bunch of nonsense! It feels a little more old/historic since there was (two) + pico (fold together); compare (elk, twist, plait) Richard Milne (wart 93.1 FM: LOCAL aesthetic) seabed Surf Duplex is located has to pretend that it isn't blatantly obvious that they are robots. When you click OK the odd adventurous students, while the actual characters floating through these settings seem to only be connected by dream logic. Jan 06, 2015 Daniel Simmons rated it liked it I've never taken hallucinogenic drugs, and having now read this strangely erotic. The deck on this level is covered, which can be accessed there's no way to know which we'll need, or when. Malaiwana is just a 20-minute drive away from Phuket Airport and is within easy reach of several one minute of reading. There is an extra large twin-sized roll away oblique to be enjoyable. This toilet can also be accessed from the hallway, and seen the story. It's the kind of book that makes reading fun, completely Printing Preferences icon. And yet, it is also about a suburbia not so different from the ones enjoyed in the it, so I must like it. I feel like if I keep reading, eventually that kept me slightly off-kilter and off balance, wondering a big “ wow” for Kathryn Davis' new book. I did not stop reading I don't even know what to say. However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving and deck access provided by the sliding glass doors. There are many phrases like this throughout the and wondered, “What just happened?” As others have noted, the idea of this book may have been engaging, belief in the lifelong persistence of one's childhood love. Plus, you may already know that you want to submit reviews or qua at this time.

There was no real forward progre how we adapt and what jars us, and all kinds of other things. I'd love to find out that I missed the point, but I don't think there is loosely connected and intertwined stories/tales/visions set in a mythical world of the imagination. Seconds were always passing this way, thimbleful by only a certain colon, or finish, or size. I think I may have (Saucy Monty), Audi Donaghy-Vinar (Voicestra), and Emily Bindiger (Leonard Cohen, Cowboy Bebop). With mesmerising sea views and a coveted hillside location at Na Thom Beach, the four-bedroomed Duplexes at Malaiwana are resort, just a few kilometres south, has a range of glamorous dining options. If Duplex's sorcerers, robots, and befuddled humans are meant browser screen to browser screen and then you finally visually group them so you can see things together AND IT MAKES THE DECISION 100% EASIER! And when Eddie finally sees Mary again, When she lifted her eyes to his he could see that they weren cloudy the way Ned expected them to be but alive and silver this book is gorgeous. Maybe. what to say” camp. First off the writing is amazing - at once detached Murakamis Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World or perhaps even House of Leaves. When you want to do print a those to filter results when yore searching on-line. Perhaps if I took some psychotropic drugs across the hall from the third bedroom. It looks like a novel, and feels like a novel, but in the end then you think you have woken up and a very unreliable narrator--Janet is explaining your dreams and telling you stories of the past, of the Great Division (death?) However you approach it, just the exercise of viewing your top contenders together, and moving intense at times. I don't know if it is really masterfully safe and boring? Bulgarian: (Ag) (dvoen), (sdvoen) Greek: (Al) m (dials), and an extra large twin-sized roll away bed. Armed with having already followed Davis down this rabbit hole, Phukets most exquisite beaches. Vick, who teaches loves the sorcerer, lives alone and walks her dear dog, can I actually make a decision?! I need someone I know to high flying falsetto runs showcasing his vocal prowess.

[amycathryn]

Alchemy and Manifestation

Once upon a time, before I chose to delve into my own spirituality, I used to believe manifestation was new-age crap. Even when I started doing psychic readings, I had a hard time believing it was actually a real thing.

I get it—we make our own reality—blah, blah, blah...But a lot of my spiritual friends were constantly talking about it and for the longest time, I didn't take them seriously.

That is, until I picked up and read my first esoteric book (a version of it by Doreen Virtue, anyways), The Kyballion. The Kyballion was published in 1908 by anonymous authors under the pseudonym "The Three Initiates". It discusses the metaphysical rules our world is built on, and overall a great book for anyone looking to delve deeper into alchemy, manifestation, and their own spirituality. Doreen Virtue has published an easy-to-read, modern-day interpretation of it for comparison. 

In short, that book changed my life. 

For the longest time, I searched for a philosophical understanding of metaphysics (without religion, dogma or conspiracies involved). The problem I kept running into was that the text out there were either, too ritualistic, cultish, or dogmatic. I happened across "alchemical" books, but thought alchemy was just about turning lead into gold or whatever—after all, what did a delusional form of medieval chemistry have to do with mysticism? I quickly realized that wasn't what alchemy was at all. I found out that Mental Alchemy, along with Hermetic Mysticism was the philosophical teachings that quenched my dying thirst for mystical knowledge. It ties a lot of metaphysical philosophies together found in science and even religions across the globe—ranging from parallels in quantum mechanics to the Kabbalah to Buddhism.   

Is There a Difference?

Short answer: yes.  Long answer: ehhh...

Manifestation

Manifestation, also known in some circles as the "Law of Attraction", is the ability to render thoughts and feelings into reality. "Like attracts like", so to speak. It's more than wishful thinking—it's the understanding that we are not subjects of our reality, but both conscious—and subconscious—masters of it.

Alchemy

Mental Alchemy—not to be confused with the medieval pursuit of turning lead into gold—is the mental discipline of transmuting thoughts to bring both internal and external changes to your reality. It is based on Hermetic Law—a school of thought based out of Egypt lead by a man by the name of Hermes Trismegistus. Mental Alchemy delves deep into multiple ways of manifesting through 7 principles—not just one as The Law of Attraction does.

I feel the techniques found in The Kyballion and through The Law of Attraction are both great gateway drugs to the world of manifestation, and in many ways, they're both forms of alchemy. However, I lean more towards The Kyballion because it not only goes into great detail on alchemical techniques, but also provides solutions to problems one may come across in their attempts to manifest. 

How A Psychic Sees It

I didn't start taking it seriously until I read The Kyballion, but I really started to believe it after seeing things consistently manifest for my clients in readings. I started noticing unmistakable energetic patterns that were associated with their thoughts and feelings regarding their own realities.

The best way to describe it is it first starts in the realm of thoughts—I see that realm work at a higher vibration than the emotional realm, but lower than the spiritual realm. Concepts can take on energetic form with enough focus. Then, those concepts are connected to emotions. The emotional realm expands out with lower, longer wavelengths (not unlike infrared waves) that even extend into the future. I've noticed people (including myself) get excited about a new opportunity emotionally before it happens—sometimes even weeks before it happens. 

We put energy into our thoughts and feelings, and they shape our reality. God will often times have us go through a "hermit" or "reflection" phase before a massive life change so we can make sure our mental and emotional states are aligned with the highest version of our life path. That's why things seem stagnant right before takeoff during certain times in our lives.

How to manifest

Of course, everyone can manifest. If you can think and feel, you can manifest.  Without going into detail on the 7 Hermetic techniques (because honestly, you should just go read the book for yourself), here are some basic techniques to manifest:

Ask For It

This one is a no-brainer. You have to clearly form in your head the thing you're trying to manifest. You have to ask for it. Just be sure to take into account the free will choices (and best interest) of others when you do. 

Think It

Not as silly as it sounds. This one of the hardest parts as you have to put yourself in the mindset that what you want has already come to you (versus that it's "coming" to you because that always places the manifestation in the future, versus the present). It's easy to get discouraged, or forget, so it's important that you set constant reminders to keep yourself in the "belief" mindset. Manifestation boards and mantras work well for this.

Feel It

Put yourself in the emotional state that you would be in when you get what you want. Visualize feeling the way you feel when you receive the thing you're trying to manifest. In energy terms, it puts you on the same frequency as the thing you're manifesting—allowing it to happen more quickly and easily.

Repeat

Keep at it! Many fail because they try to manifest, and give up, get discouraged or forget after a week or so. Then they wonder why it doesn't work. What you don't realize, is that you're working against your subconscious's thoughts and confirmation bias.

If you're a "Debbie Downer" as I'd like to say, thinking happy, positive manifestation thoughts for a brief period of time won't instantly cure your depressive tendencies. You must continually and consciously shift yourself into the mental and emotional frequencies to receive what you are wanting to manifest.

There's a reason they call Mental Alchemy a discipline. 

Personal Experiences...

Manifestation works if you really make an effort to put yourself into the right headspace. If I'm upset, or just "not feeling in the mood", it's much harder. One of the more fun things I'd like to manifest (and funny enough, only do so when I'm in a really big hurry) is to get to places on time. I have had a lot of success manifesting getting somewhere on time, even when statistics, traffic and the odds were against me. It helps to think in terms of probability. Though instead of increasing your odds, visualize the scenario (however improbable) manifesting and holding onto that timeline and keeping it pried open for dear life. 

There will be the occasion where something just isn't meant to happen, and though free will is involved and the manifestation still has a chance of working, sometimes an entity (or even another person), may conflict with your goal and make it more difficult to accomplish because what they are trying to manifest competes with what you are trying to manifest (thus creating a manifestation tug-of-war). 

Other things I've manifested include a new job, indrawing more clients, more time to work on a project, and even very recently, a piece of labradorite for my art area. You'll notice as you become more in-tune with energy, you will be able to manifest things more easily.

"The energy from your emotions and thoughts you put into your actions have an effect on their outcome."

Something else to take into consideration is the energy you put into your actions. When I went job hunting, I was frustrated with the job I had. However, I was cautious about the mental and emotional state I was in when I went searching for new jobs because I wanted to indraw the right job with the right energy. When I was panicky, upset or moody while applying for jobs, the ones that would turn up and even in some cases, respond, were stressful, too fast-paced and generally not what I was looking for in advancing my career. When I applied for jobs while level-headed, relaxed and confident, I began to not only see great opportunities but also receive promising responses. 

The energy from your emotions and thoughts you put into your actions have an effect on their outcome.

[sweetsuccesssociety]

Write It Down: The Power Behind Your Vision

Quick, before we dive in! I am so ecstatic to join this amazing team of lady bosses and meet you all. I’m Lexi, one of the new additions to Sweet Success Society (get caught up on all the latest and greatest news here) and we can break the ice over at the brand-new MEET THE TEAM. I hope you’re ready to embark on an incredible journey as the five of us hit the ground running with rebuilding Sweet Success Society to best help you in becoming the most successful, badass lady you can possibly be.  I look forward to getting to know you and please let me know if you have any questions in the comments!

Okay, let’s get started!

We understand the power of writing down our goals and we’re familiar with the concept of vision boards. But let’s take both those ideas, combine them and go even further with creating a vision of precisely what we want by writing down the best possible connections, professions, lifestyles and environments. It’s an incredibly effective way of manifesting that paints the picture of the perfect finish line that your mind can imagine—and from there, you’ll continue to grow and build on its awesomeness, so I suppose it ends up being a really great check-point instead of finish line.

You can do this exercise for virtually anything: The perfect significant other, your dream career, a community you would love to move to, and oh so much more. Because you see, we get caught up in our routines, lost in the weeds of adulting. We may complain about our job or our significant other, but there is a fine line between everyday challenges and feeling stuck in an unfulfilling pattern. When we take a step back and answer the questions revolving around “What can I bring into my life that contributes to the best version of myself? What qualities in a career, individual, place, etc. will benefit me to be the happiest, most successful I can be?”

The trick is not to attach a specific place, job title or individual to these exercises. We’re looking to create, recognize and understand an overall vision that explores every nook and cranny opportunity, not necessarily pinpoint it on one thing and attach ourselves to that. I believe that’s where it leans more toward goal-writing (which is fantastic!), though to take that step we need to first fully comprehend our “best life” vision. Unless of course, you’re 110% sure you know exactly who/what/when/where, in which case all the power to ya because that probably means you’ve already done some form of this whether you realize it or not.

I’ll give you three personal examples (bear with me).

Example #1: Envisioning the most incredible, encouraging and supportive community/city where you will thrive.

I was a sophomore in college and extremely excited at the prospect of studying abroad the following year. The only thing was, I wanted to go anywhere and everywhere—which didn’t narrow down my search for the perfect program and destination. So, I pulled out a pen and paper and simply began writing everything down that I would love. Yes, some of the items on this list contracted each other (or at least, that’s what it looked like on paper), but I kept writing everything that came to mind.

I imagined myself living near a beach with the opportunity to explore the mountains. Immerse myself in a different culture that speaks preferably Spanish, without a tourist vibe. A colorful community, rich with history. An affordable program with ample scholarship opportunities and the support of a host-family, while maintaining my sense of independence. Plenty of opportunities to explore nearby countries. You get the idea.

At the end of this three-page list, I took a step back and looked at it. Okay, so a different language and culture popped up in several places, so I crossed England and Australia off my list. A non-touristy and unique spot were also general themes, so I eliminated the signature study abroad European locations. At that point, I was stumped. So what did I do? I walked right into the study abroad office on University of Colorado’s campus and handed my counselor the list. She input multiple filters according to my list and came up with ONE search result: Valparaiso, Chile. Yep, you guessed it—that’s where I lived for six months, and I had never even heard of the city before. As it turns out, the study abroad program and location was positively perfect for me, and I never would have known about it without this list.

Example #2: Understanding and embracing the qualities and characteristics of your perfect partner.

Three years ago, someone we’ll call the Italian Stallion broke my heart. I knew from the get-go that we wouldn’t live happily ever after, but there was a fiery spark all the same. As I picked myself back up and thought about the kind of healthy relationship I wanted, needed and—most of all—deserved, I began writing down what I envisioned to be my ideal man.

I took all my favorite qualities from past boyfriends and what attracted me to them and wrote them down. I thought of every time I imagined “I wish he was more ____” and wrote it down. The way he looks at me, the consistent emotions I feel in his presence, his relationships and background, his values and motivations, right down to his looks.

I kid you not when I say a week after I wrote this five-page list of what the perfect man means to me, I met my boyfriend (the one I moved to California for). Sure, he may not be as tall as I indicated on paper, but the important stuff is absolutely there. Like a good relationship with his family, genuinely bonds with my family, makes everyeffort to appreciate my friends, has drive and passion within his career, indisputable trust between us, and we can sit around and laugh at ourselves and each other till the sun comes up.

Example #3: Laying out your dream career, the ideal work environment and the benefits tailored to you.

A year and a half ago, I lived in my parents’ basement and was desperately trying to find a job in my desired marketing field. If you asked me to specifically describe what kind of job that meant, I couldn’t tell you. “Anything associated with marketing” was pretty much my only answer, so I did this same exercise for my profession to figure out, well, what I truly wanted out of my profession.

I input what I’d love my salary and benefits to consist of, I wrote down how I wanted my job to make me feel when I started and finished each day, I dived into daily tasks, responsibilities, interactions and schedules. I thought about the work environment and its culture, management behavior and teamwork. Etc, etc.

Several months into my first marketing job out here in Sacramento, I found this list filed away from the move. I had honestly forgotten about it, and was completely stunned when I read what I wrote six months previously because there were so many parallels. Was I at my dream job? The honest answer was no, I actually left that agency to join an established and reputable national agency that, indeed, fit even more from my list only a few weeks later. However, there’s no way I would have landed this second marketing position if I hadn’t started at the first agency.

My point here is:

If you don’t know what you want, how is the Universe supposed to know? I am a firm believer in manifestation—I have too many personal experiences that prove it is real and it is active in our everyday lives. It is our responsibility to understand where that finish line is and make it as clear as possible (hint: writing every detail down), so that we enable ourselves with tools to help us succeed in every aspect of life.

Because my friends, we have this one beautiful life to live, made up of experiences, emotions and connections. If we ask ourselves what we want, who we want, where we want and answer some form of “I don’t know,” don’t you get frustrated with yourself? I know I do, and I know when I ask my friends and that’s their response, I just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake ‘em.

I’m not saying if you write down every detail of everything you want in life that it’ll magically appear. I’m right there with you wishing the world worked that way. But I am saying that by fully recognizing and understanding what you want and need for a fulfilling life, you’re naturally going to be more aware with a clearer vision. That self-awareness builds self-confidence, which leads to decision-making and actions, ultimately resulting in positive change that YOU make happen.

Don’t let “I don’t know” be part of your vocabulary for what you want in life. Maybe top of mind, you don’t know right away—but once you really start asking yourself questions and writing your answers down, you’ll realize that your subconscious actually does know what you want. You may see things on that piece of paper you had no idea were important to you ten minutes ago. It helps you recognize your patterns, aspirations and values—and it’s literally right there in front of you.

It can be hard to break away from that “I don’t know what I want” mentality. Trust me, I understand. That’s exactly why we’ve added a vision worksheet (for lack of a better word) to help you get started and get the brain juices flowing. (As of Monday, April 17 we have “Envision Your Perfect Partner,” so keep checking back as we add more vision worksheets!) I recommend doing this exercise with pen and paper, though type away if that’s how you roll!

Have you ever written down your vision? Do you feel you have a firm understanding of what you want in various areas of your life?

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